How to Reply to the Nigerian Money Scam

A few years ago, I received the following email (with original spelling and grammar) very early one morning:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $850,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Good Luck Jonathan to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations…Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card logo on it…

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Because we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire by december 20th 2012 you will only need to pay $135 instead of $420 saving you $285 So if you pay before december 20th 2012 you save $285 Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $135.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $135.

To effect the release of your fund valued at $850,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Bruce Ashmore with the information below,

Your full Name…………..
Your Address:…………..
Home/Cell Phone:…………..
Occupation:…………..
Attached Id Card/Driver License:…………
Preferred Payment Method (ATM / Cashier Check).

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Donna Story
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Moments later, after reading it, I sent my reply:

Donna,

Yes, I was just wondering about where that $850,000 went and now, thanks to your careful work, it has been recovered. I am so thankful that the federal governments of both ‘Murica and Nigeria have worked together to make this happen.

Sorry to say, neither of the payment options will work for me, so I’ll opt for a third (and better) option. I’ll accept the payment in gold, rubies and pearls (or .308 ammunition if pearls are hard to come by). I just find that currency easier to work with when traveling in the dangerous hotspots of the world. (Plus, if time travel is ever perfected, ATM’s and cash won’t be viable options…I’m sure you’re well aware of that looming issue.)

Also, please let the President of Nigeria know that I’d like him to take a portion of the funds and buy himself and his cabinet a selection of the finest meats and cheeses…and some fine men’s soap for his whole crew as well.

If you could simply FedEx the box of gems (and ammo, if need be) to me (shipping’s on me, naturally), I’d be beholding to you.

And since you work for the FBI, I’m sure you have my address already.

Sincerely,

DG

(There was no response.)

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